Frustruated

I'm so frustruated and upset right now. My son Elias is supposed to begin speech therapy today and the therapist refused our case because we live to far for her. This information would have been useful last week and I could have had a replacement by next week. The fact that the office of Early Intervention did not inform me pisses the fuck off! My coordinator hasnt called me and I left her message asking her wtf is going on? She has been very cooperative with us so I'm not going to assume that this is her fault.

I'm stressed, my son is going to be 2 in November and he still sounds like he is 9 months!!!! He looks like a toddler but when he opens his mouth its a different story. My mom took him the other weekend, and he spent the day with her, she has experience with disabled children. When I picked him up he was so happy and he had learned a little bit of sign language! I was shocked that he learned a few words in such a short time and he under stood what they were. This is something that I have to accept and face that, I would have to use sign language to communicate with my son. Waiting around for services will just delay him more, and I dont want to do that.

Reflecting on my Twins Jaida and Jaiden

Today is the birthdate of my twins Jaida and Jaiden Rojas! They turn 5! I'm up at 7:00 am because I'am so excited and happy that they have completed this milestone. Turning 5 is a big deal and I'am blessed that they are healthy, happy, generous, funny, and interesting little people!

I can actually remember the day I found out that I was having twins, the shock still lingers sometimes when I look at them. I'm like whoa! I had twins!!! Watching them grow up has been wonderful, it wasn't always easy LOL there was a time I was a zombie for a few months when they were babies. All their milestones I was there for, the first time they sat up, turned, crawled and walked......that was funnnn....even when they said there first words and of course it was "mami".

Jaida my princess.....what can I say she is a character that little girl! She is sassy in a good way, confident, opinionated and motherly. She is funny and quacky.....oh and a performer. She loves to sing and perform for us at home. Jaida's favorite color is pink and she loves dolls and disney princess but she is not afraid to get down and dirty too with her brother and do boy things. She has the cutest little voice, and is very attachted to the men in her life. I can't wait for her to grow up and become a young woman, I can tell she is not afraid of the world, she is going to be a leader not a follower.

Jaiden my little husband LOL.. I say that because I'm the love of his life. He is such a ham! It's hard to have a bad day around him because he just makes me feel better, he has that thing. He tells me he loves me all the time, gives me kisses and hugs. Jaiden is sensitive and wears his heart on his sleeve at such a young age. He loves his Thomas the Tank engine, never gets tired of it lol and is always building tracks. Jaiden is very inquisitive which is why he is so smart along with his sister, jaida hides it more but jaiden puts it out there. We have this bond because he was a sickly baby until he was 2, and some say I favor him more, I don't I just protect him more.
I can't wait for him to grow up and become a man and a good husband and father one day. The way he is with Elias his little brother is just so adorable.

They are my little angels and I love them to death! I'm lucky to have them!

Miscellaneous

I have alot to say....I just don't know where to begin. Life is always changing, and I appreciate that very much if it didnt who knows? I have learned how to be patient and not to always jump the gun and flip out! My temper has gotten worse over the years because my tolerance is so short. My personal relationships have suffered from this as well as my friendships. I've heard that I'm selfish, and careless of other people's feelings. I'm trying to work on that, and I've made some changes. My boy friend and I have been together 5 1/2 years and we have 4x kids together, we raise them together and we parent them together. Anyway we have fucked up our relationship so badly that we fought all the time, I aceept blame and I have fixed and continue to fix my part. For once he is too, and its a journey for the both of us I think more him because he never put in this much effort.





It's weird to come home and fight with him or pick on him because I was so used to it. I was used to putting him down because I resented him for taking away my happiness with him. In terms of a RELATIONSHIP goes, we laugh about it daily like wow we have wasted so much time. Don't get it twisted it's not a honeymoon stage, because those evenutally end....we are just learning and communicating with one another. I dont jump the gun and get angry like I used to and neither does he.





As for my friendships I only have a few! And those carry a special place in my heart! They too go up and down and some stay the same. And I have to work on my personal issues.

My special child Elias

From the begining I was pregnant with Elias I knew he was going to be different. At the time I thought he was going to be a independent baby and his personality would be different from his other siblings. What I didn't know was that he was going to be different in many other ways, and he would need my attention more than his siblings. Elias was born on 11/03/2006 and he was a huge baby and it was a natural birth!
I was very happy because he seemed like a happy baby and he was good with feeding and sleeping...but still there was something different about him. When he was 3 months he started holding his hands straight up for long periods of time and he had his fists closed all the time. I noticed that he couldn't turn his head to the left, the back of his head was starting to shape funny. I took him to his doctor and he was diagnosed with Torticollis which is is a condition in which the head is tilted toward one side, and the chin is elevated and turned toward the opposite side. The treatment is physical therapy and he also had for plagiocephaly which caused his head to have that funny shape and he had to wear a helmet to re-shape his head to what is a 'normal shape'.
We started physical therapy and it was painful for him, he was just a baby. He wasn't a normal baby, he had to wear the helmet 23 hours of the day. He had to be carried a certain way, he couldn't turn on his own, he couldn't crawl. He was delayed in all these special milestones that parents look forward too. Elias learned to sit up at 9 months and crawl at 11 months and walk at 13 months. Elias still recieves physical therapy because he is still delayed in things that toddlers should do. He can't run like a normal toddler, he walks on his tippy toes he cant ride a toy car because he doesnt know how to move his legs back and forth. As a mom this is still difficult to deal with because I have to watch every single move he does and correct him so that he can learn to improve. Elias is 20 months old now almost 2 years-old.
I also discovered that he wasnt speaking alot and when he did I couldn't really understand what he was saying. We got him evaluated and he does have a 6 month speech delay. Elias doesn't chew his food correctly which causes him to choke, that is also a delay that he has. He will be recieving speech therapy, feeding therapy and occupational therapy!!!
Yes it is very overwhelming, the physical stuff he has I can deal with and its easy for me to moderate. Now with his speech delay its so much HARDER to communicate with him. He gets frustruated and screams and throws toys at us when we dont understand him or when he is trying to communicate with his siblings. He is very physical when he cant communicate, and he gets frustruated and as do I.
I made him a speech book and that has helped and improved things a little bit but he wants to talk like his siblings and I'm sure he is jealous. It's only normal. As a parent its exhausting emotionally and physically. But I have my mom who has experience with this because my older brother Tito has cerebal palsy and can't communicate like us but he does speak, and she had the same hardships. I think about him when I get really frustruated...and then I calm down and say its okay! My bf also went through it with her son and is still going through it....she helps me alot and gives me advice and techniques to do with elias.

My side of the family has accepted who he is and we are trying to help him in anyway...on the other hand his dad is in denial still and so is his family! I hardly think about that or even entertain the idea....it is what it is! Being in denial only sets my son back and his speech will only digress and I won't let that happen. Everyday is a struggle but I'm lucky I have friends and family that is supportive and are there for me to vent when I have those hard days:)

thoughts..etc

Finally! I get to be an intellectual again and gain knowledge! I longed for this opportunity and best believe I will NOT lose it again or take advantage of this moment. Education is the KEY I dont care who you are, the more know you know the better opportunities will be at your feet! I just want to give myself and my family a better future, better living conditions! Sometimes you are just not able too but thats ok, if eventually you go for your dream and you accomplish it! I had to wait 3 years but it was worth it.......I have my chance NOW.
My bf started college in her late 20's and I ADMIRE her for that, taking that next step! I was so excited for her and proud more than she will ever know!
Granted I will be a little lost LOL its been a minute since I ve been in front of a professor.
I want to get out the NYC and live in the country and live a quiet life and see what thats like. I'm tired of being fast paced and I feel like im reaching out for more time. But thats life with children pulling you from every direction. I love it sometimes and sometimes I don't. I'm human.